My musical roots lie deep in a river in S.C. I was the seeker, and my seeking led me to write worship music within my 20’s and 30’s, and thus my journey into organized Christianity, which left me cold and wanting. I judged the church harshly, as I felt I had been dealt down the river by people that didn’t even bother to know or understand me, but to simply file me away and the church turned it’s back. We have had these conversations here on my blog, where I worked out most of my own transformation through writing my experiences to you. Less frequently lately, more music..
I have long since become the observer. Last night I was reminded that one of my greatest gifts: Is the gift of Christ Consciousness. I can no more divorce myself from this consciousness than I can undo years of influence from Buddhas teaching… They are all an embodiment of my spiritual journey, which has been fire and ice… but then after many years the water cools the fire and melts the ice and we experience my current thaw. I had many beautiful experiences as a Christian and I have only recently experienced worship through music again. I loved it, like an old friend… or simply the prodigal son returns to his family. Don’t get me wrong I will continue to challenge conventional organized christian wisdom, but only in the search for a full and rewarding relationship with the universe, God, Jesus, Buddha… lol, Misty Dawn!
I will continue to write about and express my philosophies through music, blog and pictures. This is how I intend to lead, evolve and influence the whole of Christian Consciousness. Music is my protest and it is my peace! It embodies the yen and the yang, and the natural and spiritual things…
And I will continue to walk not to the left, or to the right… but the middle way.
Hello, I’m Jeremy.
Founding member of the Two Fishes Band.
Now, more music….
A sense of responsibility for the weak? I struggle with the “moral” idea that we must care for the weak. Granted, that is a broad stroke. I have been in “physical” pain most of my adult life, and I have had to find ways to keep going. Early on I used the prescription drugs I was given, and eventually abused them. Longer term it had an adverse effect on my emotional and psychological well being. I stopped taking them and had to find a place of acceptance for a certain amount of physical pain to balance me out. Realizing that I will never again be “whole” physically.
This opened the door for me to really examine myself. This was hard work, and it can’t be skipped. The paternal and protective side of me often wanted to shield those I loved from experiencing the pain of this journey. Ultimately what I found was that I created a dependence on me… not themselves, and not god, which eventually led to me carrying the burden for many. The idea that my physical back pain can be connected to the burden of carrying others is not lost on me. Sacrifice of self is often glorified, especially in a fatherly role, we can handle it… right? And the idea that many depend on you can be a good feeling, there is a certain amount of pride that comes with the role, but… is it ultimately to the detriment of others.
When a woman married to a good and capable man finds herself at his funeral unable to cope with the loss emotionally and still function in everyday life because these are skills shes never learned. She may lean on her children, but what if they too have been sheltered in the umbrella of this mans protection? They may find there way through together or they may not?
The struggle comes in here. As a man, what is my responsibility here? To be all things to all people and be remembered as a great man, who was very strong? Or as a teacher that dulls out protection as it is truly needed understanding that this is life and there is a certain amount of acceptance that there is going to be some pain? There will always be those in need, and what of those that continually choose not to grow and learn, do you carry them too… and when does that end? When your back is broken?
Being a leader is difficult, you have to make hard decisions. In my band I take up the role of the “asshole” because someone has to make decisions based on the vision of the whole and often times this means letting people go. Sometimes it means hurting them and watching them turn away from their dream to ensure the stability of the larger dream. The reality is that this rejection is minor compared to what will come, if they can’t handle this, they certainly will not be able to handle what will come later, especially if success comes.
I have experienced this rejection and understand it’s value, but it never stopped me.
It refined me. Refining is what we need as humans to evolve.
We need the experience of life more than we need to be protected from it.
Illusion. Most religions indirectly teach us how to cast spells or create illusions on ourselves. Realizing most dogma is created solely for isolating control under one ideology, it is useful to create a self imposed illusion wrapped in a pretty bow of righteousness. A poor man that believes he is more righteous than a rich man is less likely to pose a threat to the rich man. The rich man may even say to the poor man… you are such a good and righteous man. An affirmation that the poor man is justifiably proud of, and in that righteous connection to god completely nuetralized. The illusion of righteousness as a form of control? Absolutely.
Magic. Now the beauty of said things is that to the individual that questions, has faith but tempers it with doubt, will always find the inconsistencies associated with mass illusion: religious, governmental or otherwise, and ultimately break free of them. Once we realize how we have deceived ourselves, we realize what powerful magic we have to create with, because afterall everything is illusion and perception. At this point it becomes about intent of the heart.
Creation. Understanding that most religions were not created with mal-intent. Jesus himself set forth to liberate mens hearts, and buddha their minds. Once a teaching caught onto the masses then it became a tool to be manipulated, by those with good and bad intent. Once upon a time this made me angry, now i see it for the global tool for consciousness that it is. The bigger the illusion, the harder it falls, but when it does it can’t be denied, and it can’t be dismissed. The spell is broken. In the midst of the destruction of ideology lies the opportunity of yet another creation… yours.
What is it that you would create, and why?
From what emotional place were you led to those choices?
And in these choices, what is the intent of your heart?
These guestions are the beginning of self exploration, real emotional healing and understanding.
The last question… is the key to creating in unison with the universe.
True freedom is the liberation of self from anothers ideals, examine your experiences, test your theorys, make your own hypothesis.
Live your own life and reflect that… so many simply reflect that which they are told or surrounded by.
Be an imprint, not a reprint.
Believe in magic.
Create with loving intent.
When I was a christian, i judged the homosexual. When i left christianity, i judged it. I watched the christians judge homosexuality and then watched the gay and lesbians judge the christians.
By the same right the new age spiritualists were just as prideful and judgemental as the christians, atheists, intellectuals, rednecks, straights and homosexuals.
Its in every religion, every walk of life… it isnt that any of these things are wrong, or right, but it is… the human condition.
To judge, to make ourselves more or, to judge ourselves and make ourselves less.
It is to some degree in all of us.
The word judge, has become spiritually taboo, but we all judge. Its as primal as fear, and as necessary. it has a role.
If we are honest with ourselves, we would see some element of what we judge in ourselves.
I have seen oftentimes that we become what we judge in some way, we actually become a part of that experience.
The young christian man that hates himself and hides his homosexuality in the closet and outwardly despises that which he is.
The preacher who preaches purity and yet loses his ministry because of an affair.
And so on…
When we begin to see ourselves in a light of acceptance, without flaws or need for perceived perfection, we begin to not need others to be less or more…
When we can not judge that which we fear, or do not understand…
Then we can move beyond the need to demonize, or label people… maybe our judgement could be used as a tool to analyze our surroundings, rather than a way to placate some inner inadequacy.
Maybe this is enlightment?
Or rather, the place where there is not enlightened ones, no need for religions or any other category that separates us from each other…
We simply are.
Nature. Mother Earth. Symbols of grace and beauty.
As I sit and look out my window at a glorious tree rising up to the baby blue sky, poking through the summer rain clouds. I ponder and admire the trees height and breadth. In the process I realize that this tree reached it’s current state of grandeur by taking what it is given. Standing strong and routed in one place… the great observer grows. Ah, time yes, the passing of time serves him. He is old and wise.
However, consider a shark. Also part of nature, takes what is given him but has to work for it, he has to follow his food supply. Some would say the vicious underside to life. He horrifically devours his prey. Yada,, yada, yada…Death is Life and vise verse. So as to not demonize the shark or admire the tree over the shark but realizing both have a significant role in life.
Now, are you more like the tree or the shark?
Well, myself I would say 70% Tree and 30% Shark. Meaning, I now have a figure I can work with. For instance, my friend Joe says to me, “Jeremy, people don’t want to help you because you go after what you want and they feel surely this guy will concur the world!” Wow, what a statement. I want people to help me and I want to help them. We need each other.
So, that “Go after what you want” could represent the shark that will inevitably find it’s next meal. Sometimes after a great deal of effort. Except, I don’t want to work that hard. So, my mission is to lower my percentage of “Sharkness” to 20%.
Now don’t get me wrong. A shark is as important as the tree. There are some of you that read this and thought, ” Oh yeah, I’m a tree.” and maybe even held your chin a little higher, but look at your lives? How does the lack of shark in you effect your relationships? Are you submissive, do you often let people take advantage of you, do you get angry at yourself for not sticking up for yourself??? On and on.
If you stop and simply ponder what is right in front of you sometimes… even if it’s a tree out a window you can gain insight about yourself. It is ultimately a game of self enrichment, an evolution of the soul. Think in terms of percentages and not “Either or.” In other words, “I am this and I am that” and to what percentage of this or that am I, and how does that serve me on my journey to my higher self?
Just some personal thoughts on a rainy day. JB
Think for a moment on modern popular music? Laden with mostly shallow interpretations of sex and love. Understanding that these things are popular because society perpetuates them. In many facets it is a means of escape, certainly not introspection. Music was a means of escape for me as well and when I no longer had a reason to escape I had to re-examine my relationship to it.
My struggle is to find that balance between pure expression and “purpose” of the expression. If the point of a sad song for example; is to emote how sad you are and thus attract to you all of those that are also sad, then you have gathered together a group of mutually sad people… awesome! Is this the desired response? To a certain extent I think it can be. Maybe they’ll download your song and share it with their sad friends and you’ll make a little money? BUT, looking a little deeper, now that we have this congregation of sadness why not use this is a teachable moment? Paradoxically speaking, if you were to say meet someone in their sadness and offer a ray of light then you would have dispersed the need for the sad song, and thus created it’s own end… to NOT be perpetuated and NOT sell thousands of copies. BUT you have created another avenue for another emotion, in another song. Eh, speculations… most of the music business is a mystery and I suppose that’s why I love it! Back to the point… (more…)